All Is One

I work in a restaurant. Last night as I stood morosely at my bar, contemplating walking out for the fifth time in an hour, a lady wandered past. She was behaving strangely, kinda flapping her hands and weaving. Was she drunk? I wondered. Was I?

Then she turned around. Her face was red and her hands weren't flapping, they were clasping and unclasping around her throat. Doesn't matter whether you're in Nepal or West Virginia, hands around the throat always means the same thing; I'm choking.

I was instantly terrified. My friend Daniel was sitting at the bar with his back to the woman, counting his money. "Daniel, this woman's choking," I said, as I moved towards her.

I got to her slightly ahead of him and put my hand on her shoulder. "Are you choking?" I asked. She nodded violently, making no noise, which is a dead giveaway. "Can you breathe at all?" A violent shake of her head, her watering eyes horrified.

Still scared witless, I got behind her, wrapped my arms around her, and gave one huge Heimlich hug. She instantly began sputtering and coughing. I asked if she was OK and she coughed out a yes. In a few seconds we were surrounded by her server and the manager and her own daughter. She pleaded with us not to make a big deal of it, to just let her sit back down. She thanked me pretty profusely and went back to her table.

Once it was over, my hands started shaking and adrenaline made me twitchy. I'm a trained EMT and that was my first real do-or-she-dies situation. I don't even have a certificate yet. My terror came primarily from the threat of responsibility. I was the only person in sight specifically trained to stop that woman from choking. Yet I still wanted desperately for someone else to take control.

Which, of course, someone would've if I'd hesitated. Because, let's face it; giving someone the Heimlich isn't really a big deal. Even if you're not trained to do it, I'm pretty sure you could. Someone else would've saved that lady if I hadn't. The only person it's a big deal to is her. She was the one choking.

Buddhism teaches that that woman is me. It doesn't point this out in some Golden Rule ploy, so I'll treat her the way I'd like to be treated. It points out that, essentially, she and I are the same creature. We desire happiness, we wish to avoid suffering. We need food and water and love and patience. More, everything in the universe that draws breath is connected. Not in some stupid fucking drum circle version of hippie spirituality, but physically and mentally connected. So what happens to others happens to you. This is unavoidable.

Consider: You wake up late for work. You forgot to do laundry the night before, so your clothes are dirty. No time for a shower, you put em on anyway. At work you're one step behind all morning. You can't quite make up for the lost time so it looks like you'll have to stay late. When lunch comes, you head out to a Japanese restaurant. You stew for the entire meal about having to work late and your mood keeps deteriorating. When the bill comes, you stiff the server. Maybe you forget, maybe you just want to share the pain. Nevertheless, your server has just worked for free. He goes through the rest of his shift thinking about the gaijin asshole that wouldn't tip him. He also realizes that if he doesn't make some more green, he's not going to have rent. When he gets home he calls his sister in Kyoto to see how she's doing. At some point, patience worn thin worrying about money, he snaps at her and hangs up the phone. Not knowing why he's angry, his sister wonders if perhaps it's something she's done. What if she's upset him somehow? In her preoccupied frustration, she shouts at her 4 year old son, who bursts into tears.

Now you've done it. Because of oversleeping, a shitty mood, and failure to tip, you've extended your misery all the way across the planet to people you've never met. Granted, this scenario is oversimplified, but your actions really do affect others. Every single step you take has impact in the way hundreds of people experience their day. No single creature is exempt from this web.

So that woman is me and I am her. Trained EMT or not, it's everyone's job every day to look after humanity because they ARE humanity. When you turn your back on the suffering of others, you're refusing to help yourself. Since that lady is me, I was the one choking. Since I helped, you helped. Because you did, I'm still breathing. So thank you.