God Gave Me a Fish

Last week off the coast of Kenya, a fisherman caught a tuna. What could be more normal, you ask? It's true, fishermen off the coast of Kenya catch tuna all the time. This tuna was a little different, though. This was Allah's tuna.

According to the source, there was a verse from the Qur'an written on the fish's side. The verse read "You are the best provider". It wasn't written in Sharpie or anything, it was the fish's natural coloration arranged to spell out the holy words.

Predictably, imam's in Kenya have gone crazy, preaching that the tuna is a sign from God. Obviously (at least to those of us capable of abstract thought) this is ridiculous. Why would God send you a fish? This guy sends world-ending floods, pillars of fire, plagues that destroy nations and the like. If God were trying to tell you something, you'd know it. He wouldn't put faint, shimmery words on the side of a bloody tuna fish.

Secondly, why are you looking for a sign anyway? What's the matter with your faith? You need some proof, or what? By definition, faith requires nothing to back it up. You can't proclaim your rock-solid faith to the world, then crow about signs that prove God's existence. Matter of fact, your faith would cause you to view such "signs" as totally spurious. Being able to prove to yourself or others that all the crazy shit you believe is really, really true, is totally irrelevant.

Also, what could it possibly matter, even if it were honestly a sign from God? YOU BELIEVED IT BEFORE, YOU WRETCHED FREAKS!! How does this change your day to day life? Yesterday you believed every word in the Qur'an. Today Allah sends you a tuna with a verse from the Qur'an on it. So what? Do you believe MORE today than yesterday? Perhaps the tuna will sway the fence-sitters. Those that aren't quite convinced Islam is the way to go. Unmoved by the promise of 72 virgins when you martyr yourself and blow up a few hundred infidels along the way? Check out the fish!

If you mentioned to a Zen Buddhist that you had proof that Buddha loved us, he'd smack you with a tuna and laugh while you bled.